Some things are just taboo…or flat out wrong.

I truly believe you can surround yourself with a multitude of people who will all agree with you…whatever your position.  They will all cheer you on and sing your praises.  They will hold you up and puff your ego…

…even if your position isn’t the right side to be on.

…especially if your position is the popular majority.

…even if your position is hurtful to others you claim to care for.

…even if your position is morally incomprehensible.

…even sometimes if your position is damaging your own life.

Look at smokers…they all joined the group.  Doesn’t mean smoking is good for you.

Both sides of the political coin could sing the same song of political correctness and believe that their side is the morally superior.

I sometimes wonder if I have people all puffing me up inaccurately; as though I am on the correct “side” of things, when in reality I am so far from right I may be considered left! 😉

More often, I believe that this type of symbiotic relationship is what my ex has created with his paramour.  She has had the position of trying to draw him away from his family for herself from the beginning.  She was the caring, thoughtful listener…opening her heart to hear all his hurts brought on by his damaging wife.  She was the warm, welcoming sexual partner to fulfill his needs that weren’t getting met at home.  She was the balm on all his hurts.  Why shouldn’t he be able to have that positive influence in his life?

I can imagine how tempting and desirable that could be.  I can imagine, because I often wonder if I hadn’t ‘found’ someone who could fulfill my needs and desires in a partner…if maybe, just maybe…would I have gone down that road?

And then I wake up!  NO!!  Because it’s WRONG!!  It doesn’t matter that people do it EVERY SINGLE DAY.  It doesn’t matter that I could find a multitude of people who would all support my every decision, no matter how wrong.  There is a way to do things.  A ‘stand up’ way to treat people.  A way that doesn’t cause irreparable damage.  A way that can maintain personal integrity.  A way that you could be proud of yourself.

I can’t say that I’m perfect.  I won’t say that I didn’t make mistakes.  I did.  And I’m not proud of some of the things that I’ve done and the person I have been at times.

However, I think I can truly say that I don’t try to seek out support for those times.  I don’t try to rally my friends to help boost up those poor decisions.  I believe I recognize that I have made a mistake and I feel dirty and try to distance myself from those behaviors.  I try to do better.  I try to improve.  I try to make it up to those I’ve hurt.  I endeavor to move forward in a state of honesty.

And then there are those times when I’m faced with choices that put me in a position of understanding better who I am as a person.  This past month, there was a man that I had to work with on a project.  I know this man’s wife from my work and have only recently met him because our kids are on the same team.  While working on this project, he started becoming more and more “friendly” with his communications.  Going so far as to contact me about things that were not related to the project, checking out my Facebook page and then using pictures as a talking point, and volunteering to work on other things with me if I was interested.  I began to feel uncomfortable with the level of contact.  I abruptly put a stop to it and when the project was over, commenced the ‘ignore it and it will go away’ position.  So far, it has seemed to work.  But nonetheless, it gave me an opportunity to see…what would I do?  And I’m proud to say I chose the high road.  I didn’t try to rationalize so I could get the attention.  I didn’t seek my own benefits and find others to support my decision.

Though my ex would probably love to have the personal validation that I was just as awful as he…or rather, the justification that what he did wasn’t so bad after all.  Luckily for me, I will continue to be able to hold my head high.

At least in this regard!



About Making Sense from MY Perspective

I have a problem...I see myself through the eyes of my ex...and his glasses are not really the most flattering. I really need to get my own this is MY Perspective.
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3 Responses to Some things are just taboo…or flat out wrong.

  1. I agree with the ‘flat out wrong’ and respect you and your integrity for taking the higher ground. That brings me to a point where some divorce advice is that to recover you need to accept half the blame. I found that really difficult to do. What I think now is that I am prepared to accept half the marriage both the positives and the negatives but I am not prepared to accept half the blame for the way it ended. It is correct that it takes two to make a marriage work but my opinion is that it only takes one to cross over that line that begins the slippery slope of deceit and decline.

  2. Pingback: Letter from the Paramour…with my personal comments within | Making Sense from MY Perspective

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