Okay…it’s Spring Break for me – OBVIOUSLY based on my last two posts! lol So I’ve had time to peruse my site and many others this morning.
The kids are with Disney Dad (my daughter getting a new Chromebook for her birthday…because you know, “he has NO money” to put toward getting me out from under ownership of the house” and anyway he needed to make up for Mummy stealing his thunder at Christmas when I didn’t allow my pre-teen daughter an iPhone…)
but I digress…
I do have a complaint…
it’s all these “Make Millions with your BLOG” people that seem to be coming out of the woodwork lately “following” my blog now…WHERE DO THEY COME FROM??? And why are they following ME???
I feel stalked…
they’re like peeping toms…who stand on the edge and look in for just a moment then wander off leaving the ogled feeling used and baffled…hahaha
I really find their claims to be funny. I know there are get rich schemes out there that will work for anyone…if they “just”…because SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE has done it…so surely everyone else could do the same too!
but I still laugh…and question…ever the skeptic.
I’m an eternal realist. Not pessimist. Not optimist. REALIST! I think it is the healthiest place for me. It doesn’t work for others, I get that, but for me, it’s the only way to be. Oh, I dabble occasionally in the realm of optimism and pessimism, but then find myself in reality which share some elements of both…
And reality tells me that you can’t get SOMETHING for NOTHING. Oh, some people seem to always have the planets align for them and get their heart’s desires, but truly there has GOT to be SOMETHING they aren’t seeing that they MUST be giving or losing in order to get their desires handed to them on a silver platter.
Maybe it’s the loss of their soul…
Maybe they’re trading their humanity for their heart’s desire…
Because people who get everything they want without having to work for it or sacrifice in some way…it must be at SOMEONE’s expense…even if they don’t SEE it readily…or choose NOT to see it that way.
My ex is getting what he wants at the expense of his relationship with his children. He is CHOOSING to sacrifice their happiness for his own. All the while, rationalizing.
The paramour is getting what she wants at the expense of the two families that had to be created, and then broken, for her to be able to blend them together for her own liking.
I am getting what I must have wanted in the end…it is the reality I helped to create by making the circumstances of my marriage the shambles they were when it all came to an end. This is the hardest part for me to accept.
I did something wrong…SEVERAL somethings.
I helped to create the situation where my family became a statistic.
I have caused my children immeasurable pain and suffering and helped to create scars that will mar them for life.
All I can do now it help them navigate the waters. And figuring out how to best do that is the part that mires me in self-doubt.
Apologize for my part and help them to understand this was NOT the way I wanted things to go down.
They are the innocent.
The collateral damage.
Does my atonement require me to be friends with my ex. Does my atonement require me to be friends with his paramour. Does my atonement require that I see my way to accepting their relationship and condoning their love.
This was not my intent when I started writing…sometimes things just get exposed and find their way to the surface.
So how do I get rid of the followers that aren’t really following…I don’t need the extra baggage…remember, I’m a realist. I want the “following” number to truly reflect those who feel that my opinions, ideas, and virtual vomiting of emotions is worth reading! 🙂
I’m even willing to trade SOMETHING to get it…
I think that your take on being a realist rather than an optimist is a sensible one. Optimism can sometimes disappoint. We need to face reality in order to survive it.
I do not think you need to blame yourself for your marriage ending. It takes 2 to make a marriage work. One can destroy it. That is my opinion.
For the children’s sake courtesy and civility is best with an ex-husband. Does that require us to be a friend “a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard”? I don’t think so.
I have always found sense in my position of realism…and I don’t blame myself entirely, however I do realize my strong hand in things. But that’s just it…I’m an extremely strong personality. He couldn’t really handle me. He took the weak way out…more often than just in the end. I do make sure to be civil and polite for my kids. I even find myself telling them they need to treat him better. (though I no longer find it my responsibility to ‘help him out’ or make excuses for him as I used to when we were together – now I just don’t say anything)
These are wise words. 🙂