It’s been awhile…
since my last post…
What’s been happening? Well…the school year ended. My summer online course for licensure renewal started. My ex continues to be a source of woe and sometimes humor (more at his expense than on his behalf). I went on vacation with my bestie on an island off the coast of Mexico. An attractive lawyer bought us drinks as a beachside restaurant. My kids spent a week in my hometown with the ex and his family (and they even met a guy I used to date in high school). I’ve had many enjoyable experiences and deeply meaningful conversations with my kids. We acquired a new kitten. And I’ve relaxed quite a bit.
I’ve risen out of my “funk” of self pity.
I wish I could say that “trouble in paradise” and the break up of my ex and his paramour had nothing to do with it, but I’d be lying. Unfortunately, the fall out goes beyond lightening my mood. It has drastically reduced my ex’s mood. (and I find some level of sick pleasure in that-and I’m not proud of it) Humor is found in the way he tries to turn to me to “help” him now that she is no longer there to do things for him…to think for him…to make decisions for him. On more that one occasion he has asked me questions that he almost immediately rescinds and says “I shouldn’t be asking you this”.
I am truly making the best attempts at keeping everything about the kids. Leaving my personal opinion about things out of all conversations (unless it is in the kids’ best interest for me to weigh in). I don’t feed in to the questions he asks, nor do I take over any caretaker roles…not for his lack of trying.
I am enjoying the new turn of things. I feel more confident. I feel more in control of my own life. I feel more content with circumstances. I am less stressed by my inability to change the things I cannot and I feel more confident in the changes I am making with the things I can.
The waiter took a photo of my friend and our “table guests” while on our trip. The kids saw the picture when I went through explaining all the fun we had on our vacation. I asked them each individually later if it made them feel uncomfortable to see the picture. My two teens both said “No Way! We’re happy for you mom! You go!” 🙂 I thought that was cute. And while I’m certainly not ready to introduce them to some random man, I feel more relaxed about the possibility that they would be open to me dating.
While I’m not going to kid myself into believing I am completely cured of my “sadness” or frustrations…I’m going to enjoy the comfortable ride for as long as it lasts!!