“You look nice!”

The ex says these words. On a regular basis. They’re nice words. They’re complementary. A natural human response is to be appreciative…

…so why does every time he says it rub me the wrong way?

Why can’t I just accept his complement and go about my merry way?

Even when we were married, he actually used to get angry with me because I wouldn’t just say ‘thank you’.

I would stick my tongue out or just roll my eyes or something. Then it didn’t upset me, I just didn’t accept them easily I guess.

I know it’s more about me than it is about him…but I’m much more accepting from others.

For some reason, I think I never really believed what he was saying…that he was just ‘buttering me up’ with his empty complements.

It’s not that I don’t think I look good myself sometimes, because I do.

After awhile though, it became more about how I wasn’t responding to him in the way he expected me to, so there must be something wrong with me. He became agitated with me and then the whole situation was just a disappointment…for both of us.

After the initial separation, he tried to say the same kind of comments to me during interactions. At that time, they infuriated me. In my opinion, they were EMPTY and an attempt to elicit a response from me and thereby showing how HE was the bigger person because ‘see, look what a nice guy I am, and you’re such a bitch you can’t even politely accept a compliment’. I asked him respectfully to discontinue comments of that nature. He did…

For awhile.

But we’re right back there. Only now I politely respond ‘thanks’ and continue on about my way…

…keeping my true responsive feelings to myself.

He doesn’t need to know he has any affect on me.

About Making Sense from MY Perspective

I have a problem...I see myself through the eyes of my ex...and his glasses are not really the most flattering. I really need to get my own glasses...so this is MY Perspective.
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2 Responses to “You look nice!”

  1. bamboozled1 says:

    i take compliments poorly as well lol.
    not in passing, by people who arent that close to me… random person can say, hey, you, over there… i like your shoes, im cool with that.
    but i dont know… with people who are close, or even those who are trying to be… it feels like there are strings attached. like they want something…

    and really, i wonder if this isnt what youre feeling too… it just feels judge-y, and i now know, they can be used for evil (lol or to manipulate… picked that up in one of the dozens of relationship books/websites ive read in the past two years – get your husband to do what you want by giving him compliments – seriously… if a person doesnt see right through that, i just think theyre dumb lol) and that just makes me feel justified in never having liked them.

    he complained that i never gave him many compliments… and that i dont take them well either… give me a compliment, and im either like, DUH! of course it is/i am… or who the hell are you and what do you want? i just shrug and carry on. thinking, why did you do that?

    my mum was here on the weekend, and she was really trying to lay it on thick, i know shes trying to make me feel good about myself, i get where shes coming from and i know shes not trying to get anything from me. but i had to tell her to stop. its just annoying and stupid. and to be honest i thought she knew me better than that. i want to feel good about myself for myself, not because you say so.

    • Peas in a pod…I feel the same way about empty compliments from those seeking favor or to gain something. It’s annoying. And not genuine and I hate FAKE!
      I do feel his compliments are a manipulation…which is why I feel I receive them so negatively. But now I just FAKE my “thank you” and move on.

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