…though that wouldn’t have been a reason to end it for me.
I didn’t really believe in divorce as a viable option. Divorce to me was a “giving up” of sorts and a refusal to make a partnership work…whether you had “love” or romance as the base, or not. I made a commitment. That’s what I believed that life long commitment meant. Making the partnership work whether you had ‘love’ or romance as the base or not.
I would have worked through those relationship challenges.
I actually believe that “infatuation/lust love” wanes. Can you rekindle, most definitely. But it wanes. Life moves forward and you change. Infatuation/lust love of your young life (teen years) changes as you mature into an adult. The person you ‘fell’ for changes and sometimes they can hold your interest with their changes. Sometimes they change to someone you aren’t really ‘interested’ in – in that way. That infatuation/lustful way.
But I also believe that if there is a partnership at the base of the relationship there is a deeper form of love that asks of you to ignore that infatuation/lustful desire that we have as humans…you know, the one that makes you want that OTHER guy/girl that is more akin to your “mature” desires than your current partner because you were undeveloped when you chose. Or that desire to have a partner more interested in your own pursuits. Or that desire to have a partner more sensitive to your wants/needs/desires.
The love that develops is a lifetime partner connection. One that respects the differences and honors that this person was the one that you chose, whether for the ‘right reasons’ or the ‘wrong’…
A love for the ages…
…yeah, we didn’t have that.
A love that still looks at the partner sitting across from them with adoration and admiration. That can’t believe they have made it the past 40, 50, 60 years even! There were ups and downs, there were some tight spots and some near misses, but all in all, they are EXACTLY where they want to be – sitting across from their partner and best friend.
A love for the ages.
We didn’t have that, but I was still in it.
And then it all went up in smoke.
When you burn a bridge of connection with the accelerants and heat of flame that removes all evidence of there ever being a bridge there to begin with, well, then no connection really exists anymore. Rebuilding is a far away option. Unfortunately for me, those embers left still burn so hot that they can’t be neared to be touched. Rebuilding is not an option for me at this point.
I don’t want to hear his realizations.
I don’t care to know that he has finally figured out his errors in thought.
I don’t want to feel like he ‘maybe FINALLY gets it’. (especially because he probably truly does not)
It’s too late.
We didn’t have a love for the ages.
And now it’s over.