Interactions are always some sort of setup.
Why? you ask?
Because all responsibility for decision making is put on my shoulders.
If I don’t tell him what time the kids have their events, then it’s my fault they’re late. (even if the time was in the email that was sent to us both from their coach) If I don’t tell him what is going on, then I’m being inconsiderate.
Even for his OWN BIRTHDAY!
The kids wanted to have him to the house to BBQ because he can’t at his apartment complex. They’ve been trying to set this up for awhile now…father’s days past, other birthdays past…they’ve asked. I’ve said I was perfectly fine with the idea. I would go and let them have the house for the afternoon to use the grill and have an enjoyable afternoon/evening cooking out with their dad.
This year, same thing. They asked. I agreed.
They took their idea to him. He put it back on me. You guys need to talk to your mom about that.
So what, am I supposed to PLAN this thing. Am I supposed to make all the arrangements? Is it truly appropriate for me to plan my ex husband who cheated, left me for another woman, disrespects my children and cancels on them regularly, refuses to be a father over being a visiting dad’s BIRTHDAY?! My kids are 15, 13, and 10…if they want to do this, aren’t they more than capable of coming up with a plan. I’m certainly not opposed to helping them execute it…but do I have to CONTRIVE it as well? Is that really my job?
And should I make sure to include here that I have been reminding the kids for over a month that their dad’s birthday is approaching and they need to think of what they want to get him so we can go out and pick it up…and they come up with NOTHING every time. They have no ideas what to get him. No ideas for what he may like. And I certainly don’t have any ideas for what to get him.
I believe he is putting it back on me, because frankly I don’t think he likes the idea of the BBQ and he doesn’t want to SAY so, because that would make him look like the bad guy. He doesn’t like the kids’ idea and he doesn’t want to “hurt their feelings”…
SOOOOOO…if he just throws the ball back in MY court, he can use something I do as his excuse for why it isn’t going to happen that way.
This is the story of my life.
You’re damn right, that IS a set-up! It’s not your job to do anything. As you said, the kids are old enough to sort it. If he doesn’t like it, tough shit. SWxo
Thanks for finding me, and reading, and commenting! 🙂 I try to explain to HIM that it’s not my job to help him through things and he just says that’s not very Christian of me…and makes me feel like I’m some kind of bitch. I sometimes see more clearly than others that it’s HIM, not ME! 🙂
LOL, not very Christian of YOU?! Unlike, let’s say, fucking a skanky whore!
No ma’am not your responsibility! Sheesh…I’m rolling my eyes for you.