I’ve always considered myself to be a realist.
I don’t consider everything sunshine and roses, because in truth and experience I know it isn’t.
But I also know from truth and experience that it isn’t all darkness and gloom.
This holiday I was made aware, by a friend, that I am a “10% focus”.
What she meant was that I focus on the 10% that sucks rather than the 90% that’s great.
I think she’s right.
I can have a classroom full of 25 students…I judge my performance on the results of 2 failing kids. Or the two parents that don’t appreciate or like what I’m doing for their child.
I can have a great weekend with my kids, but I would perseverate on some small thing that indicated they “maybe” had an issue or a problem.
I could have a whole team encouraging me to accomplish some task, yet I would self deprecate to show just how undeserving or turn the spotlight away from my own accomplishment…show my unworthiness.
I could have a seamless week and it could all come unhinged with one interaction with the ex.
I do this so quickly and easily that I don’t really even recognize I’m doing it.
I feel the pressure.
I feel the pain.
I feel the reality.
It’s not sunshine and roses.
But how much does my 10% focus contribute to my pain.
How much does my 10% focus contribute to my outlook.
I have three AMAZING kids…and I do mean AMAZING. They are so resilient and perceptive and thoughtful and smart and…I could go on and on. I love being their mom. I am so PROUD to be their mom.
I’ve got a great job I enjoy; teaching kids. I enjoy finding ways to connect with students. I enjoy getting to know the kids and playing with the curriculum in interesting ways.
I have and handful of friends that I care deeply for and that I know I can count on if I ever need them for ANYTHING.
I have my health. Which isn’t always perfect (I do teach you know) but it’s easily dealable. My 10% focus seems to work in reverse with these kinds of things! 😉
I’ve always wanted to start a gratitude journal..
I think this may be the year to finally make that a goal.
Time to focus on the 90%.
Making Sense from MY Perspective 
Going through a trauma (and divorce is a trauma), getting through to the other side and surviving makes you feel ‘Wow, I have done it. Now isn’t life wonderful’. However, what is difficult to realize is that all our energy is going into survival, and when something extra happens – that 10% – it becomes the straw that breaks the camels back. I understand completely how you feel because that happens to me too. Hopefully in time as the divorce trauma fades into the background, those little issues will wash over me… but at the moment I find that I am over-reacting to small issues.
Thought that I would let you know that you are not alone. 🙂
🙂 It is certainly good to know I am in classy company I can admire! 🙂