What Makes a Hero

So reveling in the high of his agreeing to move forward on the house…he never fails to give me more grief to shake my head about.

No, it’s not the ludicrous ideas of us being great friends or him moving his paramour and her kids into our home after I move out (last year) or moving away to a new place WITH HIM after the destruction he’s laid (last week) or me allowing his paramour to purchase lingerie for my pre-teen daughter (last year) or going in together on Christmas gifts and then spending Christmas morning together in his little apartment (this year)…no, now it’s what he’s told my 10 year old daughter.

She had an assignment for her gifted teacher to write an article about a ‘Hometown Hero’. They could pick anyone they wish to write about. They would interview and then write up a story about the hero.

What little girl DOESN’T want their daddy to be their hero. So she picked him. I had a few friends ask if it bothered me that she picked him, and honestly I could tell them that ‘no’, it didn’t. I can understand her wanting him to hold that status. I wondered what her view of a hero was, and if maybe I wasn’t quite giving her the right lessons in heroism, but I wasn’t ‘jealous’ or upset that she chose him. I understood.

I kept my distance. She knew what she needed to do for the assignment. She interviewed him and I kept my questions to “did you have a good time and get all the information you were needing?” Then yesterday came the write up…I just happened past the computer screen where I read the pieces of her beginning…

Today, (THE EX) is a loving, caring, and special father and (JOB). It wasn’t like that before. During his childhood, he had many difficult times. His family struggled with housing issues, money, and divorce. There was one thing that inspired (him) though. It was western novels. He wanted to be just like the cowboys who wore white hats and risked their lives to save people. Then he moved to his grandparents house in the country. Things were looking up for him there.

Soon he grew up and went to college.  He loved his children so much that he would ignore his dream to (the job he ‘gave up’)

Seriously? What did you tell our 10 year old daughter? You loved your children SO MUCH that you gave up your dream job? What about how you loved your paramour so much that you gave up your role as their father and leader of their family? Did you tell her about that too? What can POSSIBLY possess a person to lay guilt on their child so thickly? Why should SHE feel responsible for the choices YOU made in your life?

Ok. Calm down.

I get it, in a way. I think he is hoping that if he shows this “act” in the light of what he “gave up” for them that he will somehow be seen as a hero for it. And truly that was the only thing she saw as his heroism when it came down to writing the article.

When I talked to her about the paper, I tried to explain that she needed to write about what made her dad a hero, not just a biography of his life. I asked her what traits she saw as heroic in general. Or what her example would be of a hero. She talked about the Avengers movies she loves so much. I then asked what those characters did to BE heroic and she rattled off a list of things that fit the bill. Then I asked her what traits her dad exhibited like that…she went a bit blank.

She repeated that he loved them (her and her siblings) so much that he gave up his dream.

That was her answer.

That was all she had. I tried to even direct her to some other ideas because I saw how upset it was making her…his job could lend itself to creative license to say he had heroic qualities somewhat easily…she wasn’t going for any of them. She explained them all away. She cried and wondered if she had made a mistake picking her dad. I tried to console and help her fill in the blanks.

She ended up ditching the paper for more pressing excitement. (the snow was now starting to come down and that grabbed attention easily)

At some point she needs to come back to this paper. She needs to finish the assignment.

I hate that she is walking away with this idea that he gave up his dream for her. We all make choices. We all have to live with the consequences of those choices. We should NEVER put the burden of those consequences on the shoulders of our children overtly.

I want to call him up, I want to lecture him, I want to wring his neck! As usual.

I am going to calm myself. I am going to try and help my beloved, sweet young thing write up a glowing (albeit half truths and fabrications) report about her father the hero.

Then I am going to allow THIS TOO to pass…

About Making Sense from MY Perspective

I have a problem...I see myself through the eyes of my ex...and his glasses are not really the most flattering. I really need to get my own glasses...so this is MY Perspective.
This entry was posted in being a mom, life after divorce, Parenting and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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