I don’t think I’m unattractive. Or unappealing. I know I can attract men.
So why is dating so difficult for me?
I’m in a weird age/stage for dating…I’m 41 and I have teenagers and one preteen who are busy and involved with many activities. Plus, I haven’t lived here long and all my friends are married (and women) and I don’t have a network around me to select from…
I have yet to meet a man that I’m attracted to as well as can challenge me and keep my interest in a conversation/activity or make me nervous at the end of the date because I hope he kisses me…
I have been on the ‘online dating scene’ for longer than I really want to admit…
2 years now…
and I’ve come to a realization about the prospects.
I get propositioned by many young men…late 20s/ early 30s…who are looking for “an older, more mature woman who knows what she wants”.
I can read between the lines…they want an experienced woman who is less inhibited because they are more experienced and know what they like and aren’t afraid to ask for it if necessary. They also want a woman that can take care of her own stuff…they don’t want that responsibility because they are too busy being a ‘young stud’ to understand that the differences in life stage are HUGE! They don’t mind being a ‘boy toy’ because they’re still young enough to believe that they have plenty of time for that other stage shit that comes when they ‘mature’.
Unfortunately, I’m not interested in an immature boy toy. (most days! lol)
Then there is the older crew…by 10+ years…who are in the stage of life where their kids are out of the house and they have this newfound time available to spend with a significant other…doesn’t work when your life is dominated by carpool for three busy kids in after school activities. (Or they never married…and I’m sorry, if you’re 50+ and you never married, there’s probably a reason for that and it doesn’t bode well for dating)
The last is the within 5 years (+ or -) age range…this is where it gets tricky.
The 5- my age are still in that place where they want to prove their virility so they are more excited about attracting that hard bodied younger woman…something about their ego…just like the younger guys wanting to bag an older woman, this group is seeking to prove themselves with the hot young things. Plus they are probably just on the other side of a divorce themselves and need to feel like they ‘still got it’ in some regards.
Some have never been married, so they hope for the possibility of getting someone earlier on in the ‘parenting’ arena so they can form relationships, or one who doesn’t have kids yet so they can have that ‘family’ unit that’s eluded them thus far.
The 5+ my age are a slim group to choose from in the grand scheme of things. There are some prospects, but then bring in the location and distance dating predicament…or matching up parenting schedules to find time to get together…or the initial attraction…or the lack of chemistry when you meet…
it makes for some frustrating and challenging times trying to find some enjoyable company with the opposite sex.
Makes weekends without kids lonely…
Another weekend with “the girls”, or participating in my routine life activities just doesn’t fill that hole…
I don’t want to be the spinster…but I won’t settle either.
Making Sense from MY Perspective 