So we’ve done it! We’re half way in to our month long cross country RV trip. I know I’m spending WAY more than I have, and I’ll be in shock when I finally tally the total, but I’m glad I’m providing this experience for my kids. It is a learning experience on all fronts. They (and I) are seeing things for the first time, learning each other’s strengths as well as limitations, and finding a deeper appreciation for each other along the way.
I have been updating their dad as we go, he truly seems to want the photo diary. This makes absolutely no sense to me, though I suppose it really doesn’t have to…if tables were turned, I would not be happy to see my kids experiencing amazing events as an incomplete family and my attendance was not present as their mom. Just a personality difference I suppose. He is genuinely supportive and wants to hear about their adventures.
Unfortunately I still feel those pangs of loneliness and empty spaces that the incomplete family unit (in my eyes) undoubtably possess. I love being my kids’ mom, but I miss them having a father present…having the nuclear presence to learn about family dynamics. Having ‘the kids vs the parents’ or breaking off in groups to do things when interests differ. Having a partner to share some of the load of the responsibility… They are very dependent on me…and also feel they need to support me (in some ways) more than a child should need to of their parent.
My oldest son mentioned while watching another family with extended ties at a campsite that he ‘is jealous of the big family’. All I can say in response is that if he wants that, we can provide it for his kids. I want that for him too. I want that for his kids. And his sisters’ kids. I want that loud, boisterous family energy at yearly (and more) get togethers at the beach or in the mountains or camping. I’ve wanted that for them all along.
I realize that nuclear families don’t always have it rosy either. I know there’s loneliness there oftentimes also…trust me, I’ve been there and felt it before. I just wonder if there are places where it works how I envision…or if I truly bought into a fairy tale that doesn’t exist.
Either way…this countryside is awe inspiring and beautiful. I’m loving sharing it with my amazing children!