Awe and Wonder doesn’t Diminish Lonely…but it helps.

So we’ve done it! We’re half way in to our month long cross country RV trip. I know I’m spending WAY more than I have, and I’ll be in shock when I finally tally the total, but I’m glad I’m providing this experience for my kids. It is a learning experience on all fronts. They (and I) are seeing things for the first time, learning each other’s strengths as well as limitations, and finding a deeper appreciation for each other along the way.

I have been updating their dad as we go, he truly seems to want the photo diary. This makes absolutely no sense to me, though I suppose it really doesn’t have to…if tables were turned, I would not be happy to see my kids experiencing amazing events as an incomplete family and my attendance was not present as their mom. Just a personality difference I suppose. He is genuinely supportive and wants to hear about their adventures.

Unfortunately I still feel those pangs of loneliness and empty spaces that the incomplete family unit (in my eyes) undoubtably possess. I love being my kids’ mom, but I miss them having a father present…having the nuclear presence to learn about family dynamics. Having ‘the kids vs the parents’ or breaking off in groups to do things when interests differ. Having a partner to share some of the load of the responsibility… They are very dependent on me…and also feel they need to support me (in some ways) more than a child should need to of their parent.

My oldest son mentioned while watching another family with extended ties at a campsite that he ‘is jealous of the big family’. All I can say in response is that if he wants that, we can provide it for his kids. I want that for him too. I want that for his kids. And his sisters’ kids. I want that loud, boisterous family energy at yearly (and more) get togethers at the beach or in the mountains or camping. I’ve wanted that for them all along.

I realize that nuclear families don’t always have it rosy either. I know there’s loneliness there oftentimes also…trust me, I’ve been there and felt it before. I just wonder if there are places where it works how I envision…or if I truly bought into a fairy tale that doesn’t exist.

Either way…this countryside is awe inspiring and beautiful. I’m loving sharing it with my amazing children!


About Making Sense from MY Perspective

I have a problem...I see myself through the eyes of my ex...and his glasses are not really the most flattering. I really need to get my own this is MY Perspective.
This entry was posted in being a mom, emotions, life after divorce, relationships, traditions. Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Awe and Wonder doesn’t Diminish Lonely…but it helps.

  1. Phoenix says:

    I understand the loneliness and I understand not wanting to see pics of my kids having fun without me. Maybe it’s a male thing, where they can either really compartmentalize their hurt and pain or they just don’t give a shit that they aren’t there to witness and be a part of the family fun. IDK, I’m still working on that theory. But you, just remain in the NOW and PRESENT with your kids and have fun! Everything in due time and within the right season!

    • I try to stay in the present as much as possible. Current situations propel me to prepare for an unknown future to the best of my abilities and try to be responsible about it…it is hard to know the right path when there are forks in the road…especially when you can see that all the forks have their own version of challenge and disruption along the way. Thank you so much for reading and commenting.

  2. You are forming new happy memories and building a foundation for your children. Eventually when the walls are up and the roof is on, you will see that you have built that wonderful family unit that you dream of.

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