Despair and Hope

I’m currently riding a roller coaster of emotion.

I’m trying to sell my house.

I attempted a short sale due to the divorce and what I can sell it for is less than what it will cost to sell it outright. The bank denied the first attempt.

I can’t afford the house…the payments and utilities are 50% of my income…that doesn’t even include upkeep on a 5 bedroom house on 2 acres. And that doesn’t even take into account that my income will decrease by half in about 7 years because support ends then…

I need to get out from under the burden of the house and all it entails.

My realtor is strongly suggesting we try again. We have another buyer with an offer…and it actually is a pretty good one.

I’m scared.

I’m in financial hot water…I’ve already moved out of the home and am renting. Banks don’t even consider short sales “unless you are already in default” and I didn’t see myself living in a house I hadn’t been paying the mortgage for…not to mention that I would obviously be able to make the mortgage if I was pocketing my mortgage money and not sending it to the bank…I didn’t realize how that would make it more understandable that I couldn’t afford the house. So we moved.

They denied me five months after applying.

Now they are foreclosing.

I would be okay with that, but my ex’s job has security clearance that could be in jeopardy if he has a foreclosure on his record. That, in turn, puts my financial security in jeopardy.

So I have four options.

  1. Allow foreclosure by doing nothing. (not really a viable option in the long run)
  2. Reapply for short sale and HOPE for the best.
  3. Sell to the current buyer as a regular sale and close out 401(k) accounts to fund the approximately $40,000 shortfall.
  4. Have the ex move into the house, significantly reduce my monthly support payments to help him ‘afford it’, and come up with the $10,000+ back payments that haven’t been paid because I moved out and HOPE that someday soon we will be able to sell it and walk away once and for all.

I don’t know what to do.

Hope hasn’t worked for me much lately.

I don’t have extra money.

Hence, despair.

About Making Sense from MY Perspective

I have a problem...I see myself through the eyes of my ex...and his glasses are not really the most flattering. I really need to get my own glasses...so this is MY Perspective.
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4 Responses to Despair and Hope

  1. I empathize with you and your situation. All the financial ramifications catch up years after the actual separation. My biggest hurdle was the business, which finally sold last December – over three years post separation. That sale has made a huge difference to me now being able to plan my finances going forward. However, I still have the house to consider. I “inherited” the family home (and a mortgage) as part of the property settlement. Its ongoing utilities, maintenance and loan costs are beyond my budget. I will be selling it within the next twelve months. I do not have the issue that you have of a risk that the sale value will not cover the debt. Nevertheless, until the house actually sells and I know what I get for it, I will not know for sure what my financial situation will be. By the time that eventually happens (sell my home and buy something more appropriate) it will be five years post separation – five years of angst and drama before reaching the place where I can really begin to shape my own life. If someone had told me that the day my husband left me, I think I would have collapsed into a well of despair. Instead I have spent a great deal of time in that other place – ‘hope’ – and still go there quite a bit.

    At the same time I have also sought some sound financial planning advice from my accountant. His ideas give a different perspective than my own “gut instinct”. For example he wants me to focus on my superannuation and investments and try and get that higher – by sacrificing part of the capital I was planning to put into my new home (when I sell). That is, he wants me to move into a MUCH smaller place and invest the rest of the money. This will take a mental shift in my attitude. My home has always been my sanctuary and I want to still build a loving calming place for my children to come home to. I am taking a bit of time to think his suggestions through, and that is why I am giving myself a bit of planning time.

    I wish you all the best with your decisions. It is not easy. It is particularly difficult because it is a decision you need to make alone, whereas in marriage these decisions are joint decisions. (Although privately, I am glad that I can now make that decision based on my own perspective and I not have to consider his lifestyle choices which were always more costly than mine).

    • I agree 100% with you about being thankful that I can make decisions on my own…without the influence of my ex. I’m so happy for you that the business was resolved and you can now move forward with an open canvas. I’m sure the sale of the marital home will only make the beginning that much more refreshing. I wish you luck on your upcoming sale. I’m sure the path you will choose once you have that security is going to be such a blessing for you! Now you get to select only those things that will bring you joy to surround yourself with…I just know you will find a perfect little place to call home!

      • Thanks SO much for your well wishes. Likewise, I hope that you will be able to sell your home as and when you wish and move forward in that regard. You have your children, so no matter what happens wherever you and they are, that will be home.

  2. Oh, I remember that place between selling and moving on. It’s a terrible stress. It took a year to sell our marital home, but sell it did. HOPING for the best for you, too.

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