Running on Empty

Sooooo…the house didn’t sell.

The bank denied me a short sale. Because I am financially responsible. I don’t spend beyond my means. Apparently the lack of $20,000+ in closing costs could have been funded by my (scraping by) monthly income. There was not taking into account that my scraping by doesn’t include putting money into retirement. Or savings. Or college funds. Or more regular doctor/dentist visits. Or a soon to be driving teenaged boy. Or any SURPRISE expenses that pop up unexpectedly. HA – Ok.

Anyway.

To avoid foreclosure, the ex moved into the house and has taken over responsibility. I know, pick up my jaw. I really am appreciative. Truly. I try not to go to the place of “if you had only been able to take responsibility when…” I try. I do. When I do, I stop myself. I remind myself to be thankful that it isn’t my responsibility anymore at this time, and to continue being grateful.

School is going full swing. I was given a new team leader this year to appease a ‘disgruntled’ teammate that didn’t feel like ‘part of the group’ because we weren’t personally friends (oh, and we didn’t cater to her needs – which were everything but wiping her, nevermind)…so I am no longer able to work with the previous leader because we “were too close” it made her feel excluded. So now, after having one year experience in this grade level (the other team member has 4) I am now tasked with helping acclimate the new leader to the grade level (the other team member is clueless) as well as help out the other ‘more experienced’ teammate who caused all this in the first place. The other day when I was discussing issues I feel the county has with their curriculum policies, she actually interjected with the comment “well, on a more positive note”. Seriously? Like I was being some kind of negative nelly because I don’t feel that the county is taking the appropriate measures to test out policy before rolling it out to be handled in the classroom.

The kids are busy in their active lives. The two in high school are competing in cross country. The one in governor’s school is bogged down by the more advanced course load and the added responsibilities. The junior had to drop one of his AP classes, because he had SIX and we figured maybe that was a bit too ambitious (lol). But I can say that they are both handling things beautifully already so far. The middle schooler had a rough first couple weeks adjusting, but seems to be on track now. She was even asked by a boy to an upcoming dance!!

I am less influenced by my ex…which is FAN-TAS-TIC! But still feel the effects of having been left to deal with the full load by myself. I am typically tired and always on the go somewhere. At least there isn’t the looming responsibility of the house. That helps. A lot.

I still wish I could move away. I still feel lonely ALL the TIME. I still feel overwhelmed, though less so now without the house. Just going through the motions. Hopefully it doesn’t stay this way forever.

About Making Sense from MY Perspective

I have a problem...I see myself through the eyes of my ex...and his glasses are not really the most flattering. I really need to get my own glasses...so this is MY Perspective.
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1 Response to Running on Empty

  1. “I am less influenced by my ex”
    HUGE step. Congratulations!

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