I don’t publicize my blog.

I don’t recommend it to people I know.

Honestly, I hope there isn’t anyone in my ‘real life’ that even knows about this blog.

Because I’m embarrassed.

I feel like a whiney, weak loser when I write. I normally only write when something is bothering me enough that I have to ‘get it out’ before I explode. And I feel judged. By my own psyche. No one in particular is making me feel this way, but my own personal narrative that plays on in my head.

I’m difficult. I’m opinionated. I’m passionate. And while those things aren’t horrible in themselves, I know I am also highly disappointed in my life and myself. 

And I don’t want anyone to know that about me.

I don’t want people to see me for the failure I feel like at my core.

I honestly don’t know how people are always so positive natured. I can be happy. I can have fun. I can see the good in many things. But I feel my ‘realism’ towards life is unacceptable by social norms telling me I need to ‘find the positive’ or ‘forgive and forget’ or ‘live and let live’.

So I hide.

And I certainly would be decidedly ashamed to know that my ex had happened upon my revelations.

Not that I’m afraid to speak my truths in real life. Don’t get me wrong, many of my frustrations have been shared when I choose, but not one has seen the entirety of my manifestations of emotion.

It’s overwhelming to me to even feel them, much less burden another being with them.

So I write…to no one. For myself I guess. For my psyche. To unleash the beasts that reside in my conscience.



About Making Sense from MY Perspective

I have a problem...I see myself through the eyes of my ex...and his glasses are not really the most flattering. I really need to get my own this is MY Perspective.
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3 Responses to Anonymity 

  1. I feel the same. I like the anonymity of my blog as a place to just spit my thoughts out. I think it helps.

  2. jadedwildcat says:

    Funny because I recently made my blog on here Private, available only to those I have invited to view it. I did this because I feel the same way. There’s such a different ‘me’ on here that I fear would not be accepted by the people I know in real life.
    We tend to unleash so much more of our raw and uncensored nature in a private journal. Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I were to die someday and everyone started reading through all my stuff… would they realize they never knew me at all?
    Would they start thinking I was this crazy weirdo monster who’d been hiding beneath the surface all this time?
    Kinda scary.

    But yeah. I get it. I, too, write mostly for myself on here. I have a good many Followers who perhaps see my posts pass by in their Feeds but, no one comments too much. And it doesn’t bother me.
    It’s mostly for myself and that’s okay.

    Everyone needs their outlets, right?

    Jade Xx

  3. Cheryl P says:

    I’ve kept a blog for 11 years. It was public, until an ex-boyfriend stalked me on my blog. So I made it private. Just for me. It’s like keeping a diary, but easier. I look back at the beginning and it’s amazing how much I’ve forgotten. Much of it is good, some not so much. I understand your need to get it out here. That’s what I do too.

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