Just shy of a year since I last wrote. It’s Memorial Day weekend. My Marine is home for a break and went out to spend some time with a friend. I’m catching up on laundry and found my way to my old blog and read through a few of my more recent posts.
I guess you could say I’ve fallen into a dull routine of sorts. I work, I take care of my girls, and I work some more. The rest is “down time” spent doing much of nothing productive.
Earlier this week a neighbor invited us to their backyard because he wanted to welcome my new Marine to “the club” and ‘buy him a beer’…he caught us as we were heading out to dinner and we went over for a few minutes to chat. His wife was lovely and they were very nice people. Their backyard was quite the oasis and made me long for the security and roots sunk into a home that you can mold into your own haven. They had several sitting area, a small garden, a koi pond, and even a small swimming pool area to enjoy. I would never have been able to guess that so much could fit on one of the small city lots, but they found room to squeeze it all in. The wife chatted away about their projects and how cozy it felt and how they never really “go out” because they enjoy their space so much. It was very homey and comfortable. I was envious. When we got in the car to head out to dinner, my daughter commented, “so is that kinda like what you want someday mom?” I expressed that I would love a space like that to mold into my own oasis, though I also told her that having that takes time and evolves through various projects here and there and that I doubted I would have that opportunity at this point in my life. It was a sad realization for me. I wonder if I will EVER be able to own my own home again. It gives me a feeling of disconnectedness that I will always have to float around renting from someone else.
My latest plan I have devised to combat my need to move out of this area due to cost of living is to apply to the Department of Defense to teach at military base schools abroad. My youngest is actually really excited and hopes that I can land a position while she is still considered a dependent so she can go with me. It’s exciting to think we may embark on this adventure together. The application process and getting selected is a grueling one and I have heard that it is extremely difficult to land a position. Many apply and only a few jobs become available. I am trying to position myself to the best of my abilities to make myself marketable for what they may be looking for, but right now I am a “dime a dozen” type of candidate. We’ll see how it turns out. I plan on applying next summer after my oldest daughter graduates from high school.
I have a couple enjoyable things on the horizon for this short summer. I have a week long science conference for upper elementary school teachers in a town nearby with all expenses paid, so I’m going to treat it like a mini vacation. Then my oldest daughter and I will be traveling with our church to Columbia for a mission trip providing a vacation bible school type curriculum with the children in the area were are going to. I’m looking forward to sharing the opportunity with my daughter. It has been 7 years since I went on a mission trip (and it was my first overseas) and it was a great experience. Unfortunately, I also associate it with a very upsetting time in my life because I traveled a month prior to my ex coming home to tell me he was having an affair.
I also expect to finish my three year process of applying to become a Nationally Board Certified teacher this coming school year. I have one more component to submit and I should hear by December 2019.
I honestly have no idea where to imagine myself in the next five years. There are so many unknowns for me. It is somewhat unsettling, though I also don’t mind completely because at least I know it isn’t going to be more of the same that I’m currently going through. I’m not unrealistic to think that it’s all going to be sunshine and roses, but I also believe that I have needed a change in my life for long enough that I feel overdue, so that makes it exciting enough.
Making Sense from MY Perspective 